All the Things That Surprised Me When I Was Writing My Memoir

Hi friends,

Greetings from the Tampa airport, which I drove an hour to at 4:30 AM. This is not a brag nor a complaint but merely a recognition of a certain state of mind. When I got here, feeling fairly delusional, I noticed this guy:

I did think for a second: Are you fucking with me Tampa airport? Also, I have been to this airport many, many times and somehow have never noticed this before? Wild.

Anyway, I’m heading home, where I will be for a few weeks before I start doing events out in the world again. Am I prepared to discuss my novel and 1000 Words, both of which will have been out for more than a year? Will I have anything new or interesting to say? Will anyone care? We will see.

Onto the meat of this letter: I meant to post this during editing week but I ended up posting this writing prompt instead. I didn’t want to forget about it though. This was a fun post to look back at from four years ago when I had finally finished my memoir and was feeling really reflective. It also features advice from the one and only Ashley C. Ford in her pre-pub era! I hope you enjoy.

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March 18, 2021

Hi friends.

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about ego. This came out of conversations with friends about being at home by myself this past year and somehow getting work done in this mix of stress and isolation. Millions of people did the same, got up every day, did the work, by themselves. Whatever kind of work it was. Of course, I realize living with someone doesn’t guarantee support, but for the moment, this is for the people on their own. My people. The solo artists.

Having an ego is important in terms of driving your work any time, but especially in long-term projects, I think, when there is a year or two or three spreading out before you on the horizon before you will see any kind of recognition or potential reward. It is hard to start again every day, and believe that your work is worth it, that you are worth it, worth the time investment, the hours, days, months.

And then to have to say that to yourself early in the morning in a quiet home? White noise from the street outside. Coffee brewed as you like, sure. But just you, whispering, “You can do it.” We hopefully have people in our lives to support us, but still, we must count on something regular within us to keep us going. That steady ego.

And yet here is the tough spot: always, always, we have to balance that ego with humility. Because that’s the thing that opens you up to the world and your creativity in a more fully realized way. So you have to love yourself and trust yourself, but also question yourself. By yourself. Every day. In order to do your work.

I mean I don’t know about you, but I ate a shit ton of potato chips this year. Phew.

Anyway, I was thinking about all of this because I sent off the final, approved version of my book on Monday to my editor. Done and gone. Wondering how I wrote this goddamn book in the midst of a year like this. And realizing it was my ego that carried me through. Which surprised me although it shouldn’t have. Writing a memoir is all about questioning what you know about yourself and then presenting those findings to the world. What else could I have relied on but a strong sense of self to take me to the end?

Then I sat down and thought about a few other things that surprised me during the process of writing this book.