The Public Tribute

Hi friends.

Sometimes we get called upon to write new things that we’ve never written before in our lives. I’ve written in so many kinds of forms: advertising copy, love letters, tweets, blog posts, essays, book reviews, profiles, short stories, poems, tv pilots, novels, a memoir, a pop-up book, and a motivational writing guide. But never have I ever written a wedding speech until this past week.

My beloved friends Kristen and Kayla got married and I was asked to say something at their big gay Florida wedding (along with one other person) and I was honored but also had no idea what I was doing. So I spent a lot of time thinking about the form because they deserve it, deserve my time and energy, because I love them and wanted to do a good job and pay tribute to their love, but also I’m a total fucking nerd and love to ruminate on writing.

Last week I asked a lot of people what made a good speech, for starters, but also a bad speech, too. One friend told me that the worst thing you could do was try and be funny when you weren’t funny, and also not to use inside jokes that no one will understand. Another friend told me to remember to be celebratory. Another told me not to bring up past relationships. (This one stopped me in my tracks for a second, but when the people you’re making a speech about have published essays about their past love lives, I think all bets are off.) Another friend told me to lean into sincerity, because when all else fails, people love a good awww moment. And everyone said, “Whatever you do, do not go long.”

The night before the wedding I met the other person who was giving a speech—an old friend of Kayla’s named Erin—and I found out they were an IMPROV COMIC, and I was like great, I gotta follow the improv comic. As we discussed our speeches, we realized there were some similar themes and I agonized for a while that we were going to end up saying the same thing, but to be fair I love to agonize, so this was really just part of the fun for me.

The next morning, I consulted with comedy genius Josh Gondelman on the speech, specifically about two of my bits, just to make sure they were going to play well. It was helpful to have that encouragement and support. At least I can make people laugh twice, I thought. He also helped me figure out how to handle the commonalities between the two speeches.

But in the end it didn’t matter! Because even though Erin and I were telling a similar story, of how we met our friends, and how our friends met each other and fell in love, Erin and I are two different people coming at this story from two different angles, and we are two different kinds of performers, different ages, different backgrounds, and different performance styles. Like, of course we didn’t sounds the same! It ended up being such a unique and thoughtful writing/performing exercise for me. (And I really loved Erin’s speech!)

Congrats, buddies!

Plus I got to read out loud the early DMs Kristen sent me about Kayla and how hot she thought she was and tease her about that, and giving my friends shit is one of my favorite things to do. And I got to say nice things about my friends in public, which feels so good. It was fun to think about them, about how their relationship had evolved over time, and what I had observed about how they supported each other, which they do in such a beautiful way. What a relief it was to say positive things out loud for a second.

Maybe this is now one of my favorite kinds of writing? The public tribute. The proclamation of love. I will remember the experience for a long time.

Have you ever seen or given any good wedding speeches? I’m leaving the comments open today. You can also just say congrats to Kristen & Kayla if you want, too.

Have a gorgeous week.

Jami

p.s. I donated to Zebra Youth this past week in honor of the wedding.

You are reading Craft Talk, the home of #1000wordsofsummer and also a weekly newsletter about writing from Jami Attenberg. I’m also on twitter and instagram.